Exerting influence and cultural change comes down to words and action. Every great movement is built on the ebb and flow of both.

A movement has been growing in my heart for almost a year. For over ten years I have been helping people in some way or another connect to God and others. While meaningful, the challenges of the last few years and especially the last year have brought a laser focus to the way I believe I am most empowered to help others.

I am able to do this as a pastor (Discovery Church), soon-to-be adjunct professor (Capital University), pastoral counselor (private practice, writing, and speaking), and coach (Wellspring Counseling). What am I talking about?  My mission is to help others experience identity restoration through learning to experience God’s unconditional love. (Notice the emphasis on experience. The primary idol I have observed in the local church: If we gain enough knowledge we can learn our way into wholeness.)

While I have been taking action every day, let’s define the movement and win the language war. Here’s my lexicon of keywords and phrases that I use in the book and will be using around the blog:

• identity formation: an internalized image of the self…how you’ve been trained to experience yourself
• center: the basis of where you find meaning, affirmation, validation, definition, and ultimately existence
• crisis of meaning: when through success or loss one faces the inadequacy of their current center
• restored identity: the process of learning to center in God’s unconditional love by Jesus through the Holy Spirit

For extra fun…

• fly in my being: an experience of freedom from shame and guilt that isn’t based on performance…an experience of God’s complete acceptance

If you’re reading this then in small ways or big ways you are involved in this movement.  Comments?

I was having a conversation with someone about a recent decision that gave me a certain benefit. I released a sentence into the air that made it sound like I knew that benefit would happen before I made the decision. I called myself out and said, “I didn’t really know that would happen.”  Humbling? Yeah, the first 50 times. Now, I’m kinda used to it. I do it faster and correct the sentence before it comes out of my mouth more often.

Recently I had to deliver some bad news. I was being vague. I didn’t want to state clearly what the implications could be. I called myself out and said, “I’m being vague because speaking with clarity about this situation is painful.”

The one place I really want to grow in doing this is my relationship with Brandi and the kids. I catch myself quicker than I used to but it’s usually after the conversation. Then I have to come back and say, “I”m sorry I got so uptight. I was afraid and I wanted to try and control the situation through powering up.”

The more we spend time experiencing and believing in God’s love for us we will be confident to openly admit our faults to others. Over time our growing sensitivity to our need to cover up or look better will keep the cover ups from even forming in our hearts.

Call yourself out.  Any stories?

My journey in finding my own voice as a communicator has been long and winding:

• In college I tried to preach like my father who is also a pastor. In seminary people would tell me, “one day you’ll be like your dad” after particularly passionate expositions.
• Went to Rick Warren’s Preaching for Life Change conference and found permission to be conversational which was more my style as a communicator during seminary days. I remember sitting on the porch of Saddleback and thinking, “You mean, I can just talk to people?”  Freeing.
• Taught Rick Warrenesque the next few years until I heard Rob Bell. Loved the mystery, conversation, and artistry with which he approached the discipline. Tried awkwardly to incarnate him into my style.
• Came across an Andy Stanley podcast after 1st ipod purchase. Found my counter-balance to black-rimmed glasses.  Loved his approach of breaking down his messages to ME-WE-GOD-YOU-WE and adopted the approach for over two years.
• Recently wrote a “life message” and found I now have my own voice ( a bad combo of Bell/Stanley) and my own outline for messages of COMMON GROUND-DECONSTRUCT-RECONSTRUCT-APPLY (maybe I’ll explain it some time).

If you communicate or want to here’s conventional wisdom that’s helped me:

1. Emulate who you like until you find your own style.

2. Take every opportunity you have to develop your skill.

3.  Be the expert on your experience. No one can else can own that space but you.

Any big ones you’d add?

Have you ever been in relationship with someone who’s oblivious? Thoughtless comments. A boss who does the exact opposite of what they could do to bring out the best in the team. A parent who shames their teenager. A pastor who wounds with sweeping general-isms. (I can pick on pastors because I am one.) These are reactions to conflict in a relationship that are the opposite of what they should be. This also applies to decision making. People that jump into new jobs, partnerships, or opportunities without adequate reflections and considerations are oblivious. (There’s a big plank in my eye right now.)

On the other hand, it’s not helpful to be overridden with anxiety about how to navigate a sticky situation. Conflict in relationships and complexity in our decisions can overwhelm us.  What to do?  Check out into blissful oblivion and be worry free or drown in the emotions of an internal wrestling match?

How about both?  The most beautiful passage in Ecclesisates 3 states that there is a time for everything. There’s a time to make that comment that will hurt. There’s a time to be quiet. There’s a time to define the boundaries clearly. There’s a time to overlook an offense. There’s a time to risk and a time to play it safe. There’s a time to grieve and a time to move on. Life isn’t about easy answers or steps. It’s navigating the tension. The answer to most questions in navigating extremes is BOTH. The wisdom comes in knowing what is the answer for this SEASON OR TIME. God gives wisdom if we ask in faith.

It’s refreshing to hear someone say something like, “The longer I live the less answers I have.” What they mean is, “I used to be committed to my view but now I see another side to the argument.” Our hearts want to simplify causalities but life’s curve balls instruct us differently.

Walk into a bookstore with me. You pick a category that is providing answers. (Health, business, leadership, relationships, etc) Most books are arguing for an extreme that is the right answer for a SEASON OR TIME but it may not be the right answer for YOUR SEASON OR TIME. This is wisdom. This is discernment. Thoughts?